Never Let Me Go
by A Thing For Brothers
Summary: This is a story about Pony being taken away from Darry and Soda because a social worker saw Darry hit Pony. It's going to be sad, so get your tissues ready! It is now complete!
1. What The Social Worker Saw

Never Let Me Go

Two nights ago, Ponyboy came home drunk. That night, Darry ignored it, and didn't lecture him, because he was too drunk to remember a word he said. Then, the next morning, he was so hung over, that Darry figured he wouldn't be paying any attention to what he was saying, but rather the pain. So he waited until today to yell at Pony.

"What were you thinking? Drinking is one of the stupidest things you've ever done! You already smoke at least a pack a day! What are you trying to do? Die before you turn twenty? You're only fifteen! You're not allowed to drink even! Do you want to be taken from us? If the cops had seen you, the state would have taken you from us for sure!" Darry hollered.

"Darry, I promise, I'm never going to drink again. From what I went through yesterday, I don't think I'll drink a drop of alcohol for the rest of my life."

"Well, you'd better not, or I will personally beat the tar out of you! I can't believe you're that dumb! Don't you know what drinking does to people!"

"Darry, I didn't know..."

"Well, that's pretty obvious!"

"Darry, please. I won't do it again!" Pony yelled.

And in an act of anger and fear, Darry hit Ponyboy. Almost two years before, he had done the same thing and they stood in silence again, like last time. Only this time it was for a different reason. It was because of who saw what was going on. It was the social worker.


	2. Leaving

Fear ran through me as I saw the look on the social worker, Mrs. McCool. She looked shocked and disgusted. I tried to explain what happened.

"Mrs. McCool, this isn't how it looks. It's just, Darry was mad and scared because the other day Pony. . ." I cut off, because I knew I couldn't tell her what he had done.

"Pony did what, Mr. Curtis?" I was surprised she called me "Mr. Curtis." I was only eighteen.

"Um, nothing. It's just, he got a bad grade on a test, you see."

"I don't believe that for a second." She turned to Pony. "Go pack your things, Ponyboy. I'm taking you with me."

"Now, wait a minute." Darry started, but she gave him a cold glare.

"Mr. Curtis, I have suspected all along that you were unfit to be these boys' guardian. Now that Soda is an adult, I can't do anything about him. But I'm taking Pony before he has to suffer anymore."

Pony's eyes were frightened, and he said, "Please. I don't want to go. I want to stay here."

"Go to your room and pack your things, or you will have nothing but the clothes on your back at the boys' home."

Pony looked to Darry, and he nodded. Tears were in all of our eyes as Pony went to get his things.

"Please, Mrs. McCool, this is a big misunderstanding. Darry doesn't hit Pony. He's just a little overprotective. Please, don't take Pony from us. He's where he needs to be-with his family."

"Well, I highly doubt that. I've had my suspisions, and now that I see them come true, I will be taking Pony immediately."

Darry raised one of his hands, as though he were going to hit her.

"You lay a hand on me, and you'll never see your little brother again."

Darry put his hand down, and Pony came back in the room with a small suitcase packed.

"Are you ready?" Mrs. McCool asked.

"No. I don't want to leave."

"Say good-bye to your brothers, Pony. You probably won't see them for a long time."

Pony looked at Darry and said, "Do something! I don't want to go! Please don't make me go!"

Tears streamed down Darry's face and he said, "I can't, baby. This is for real."

Ponyboy burst into tears as he said good-bye to Darry and me. He hugged me tight, and said, "I love you, Sodapop."

Darry was next. I was too choked to tell Pony how I felt. It seemed like a bad dream.

"Please, Darry. Don't make me go. I don't want to. You can hit me all you want, just don't make me go!" Pony sobbed into Darry's shirt.

"I know, baby. I don't want you to go either But you have to." We were all crying our eyes out, when Mrs. McCool pulled Ponyboy away from us.

"NO!" Pony screamed. "Darry! SODA! HELP!"

He was pushed into the car and Darry said, "Isn't there another way?"

"I didn't choose this, Darrel. You did."

And with that, the car pulled away, with Pony in the back seat, screaming and crying.

Darry crumpled to the ground and sobbed the hardest I'd ever heard him. Soon, I joined him. We both sat there on the sidewalk and cried for our little brother who we just lost.


	3. The Boys' Home

I screamed Darry and Soda's name for as long as I could see them. When we turned the corner, I saw Soda and Darry, both crumpled on the ground and crying. And that was the last I saw of the two most important people in the world to me.

I cried and whimpered in the back seat of Mrs. McCool's car. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be home with my brothers. I didn't care that Darry hit me. Sure it hurt that my brother would hit me, but I loved him, and I knew he loved me. He just gets mad and stressed a lot.

Mrs. McCool stared at the road. I thought about jumping out, but when we were still at our house, I tried opening the door, but it didn't work. She'd probably punish me if I tried to jump out.

She turned and looked at me when we got to a stop light.

"Pony, you're going to love the boys' home. We have a pool and a basketball court, and we even have a large television set. Doesn't that sound fun?"

"No," I spit out. "The only thing that sounds fun right now is me going home. I don't want to go to some boys' home. I want to go to _my_ home! Darry's a good guardian. He doesn't mean to hit me. He just gets mad sometimes. Please, Mrs. McCool, let me go home."

"Ponyboy, I understand that you're upset. It's usually hard for boys to adjust when they're taken from their home. But you'll come to love the boys' home."

"I'll never like it. I hate it already. I just want to go home. Please, I want my brothers!" I yelled, still crying.

"No." Mrs. McCool said, and that was all.

I cried the whole way down, but when we got there, I stopped. Greasers don't cry in public.

Mrs. McCool introduced me to some people, but I wasn't listening. She brought me to a room, with a small bed, and a bathroom. This was to be my room.

"Okay, Pony. Just so you know, you won't be required to do any work until the first two weeks are up. Then, you will be assigned certain tasks. We have our own school, and it only lasts from 9:00-2:15. So, that will be nice for you."

"When can I see my brothers?"

"Well, we don't know yet. We'll just have to see."

"Can I call them?"

"Well, you're not usually allowed to call anyone except for every two weeks. Then, maybe you can. Oh, and Friday is mail-day, so if you get a letter, it'll be then that you get it. Any questions?"

"When can I go home?"

"You won't be going home, Pony. I'll see you in a few days." And with that, she left me alone, and I cried into the dirty pillow on my new bed.


	4. What did we do?

Soda and I finally went inside. There seemed to be nothing else we could do.

Soda cried as he sat on the couch, hugging a pillow tightly. I sat next to him and wiped my eyes on my shirt sleeve. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I must be dreaming, but if I am, it's a nightmare.

How could I have hit Pony? Why would I do such a stupid thing? I wish I was dead right now, but I knew I had to live on, so I could at least take care of Sodapop.

The image of Pony grabbing my shirt as he was being pulled away from me by Mrs. McCool ran through my head. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had failed them. I'd failed my parents, and my brothers. I'm a failure. All I wanted to do was die.

How could I let this happen? I'm supposed to take care of my brothers, not hit them and let them be taken away from me. I didn't know how, but someway, I'd get Ponyboy back. Even if it killed me.

Soda looked over at me. As though reading my thoughts, he said, "It's not our fault, Darry. These things happen. We'll get him back, Superman. Somehow."

"I know. I'll make sure of it."

I reached over and grabbed Soda, crying the hardest I had in a long time. Soda and I hugged each other, as we both cried our hardest because Ponyboy was gone. What had we done?

We went to bed that night, but I don't think either of us slept. When I got up in the morning, I wished it had all just been a horrible dream, but the truth came flooding back, hitting me harder than any punch I'd taken in a rumble. Ponyboy was gone. I didn't know how I'd get him back.


	5. Laying in Bed

I woke up from the sleep I cried myself into staring at an unfamiliar site. It was a different ceiling, not at all like the sky-blue color of my room. It was white, and dull, and I wanted nothing to do with it. I lay in bed, staring at the ugly ceiling, until someone came into my room.

"Ponyboy? Breakfast will be served in a few minutes."

"I'm not hungry." I growled.

"Oh. Well, you can sleep or something if you want. For your first two weeks here, you're allowed to do whatever you want."

"Fine." I said, bitterly.

"Well, have fun." And with that, the woman I didn't know left.

Fun? Ha. That's a laugh. How am I supposed to have "fun" when I'm away from my two brothers and am living in a hell hole? I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound like "fun" to me.

I spent the day in bed. Every time there was a meal ready, someone would come to my room and tell me it was time to eat. I ignored them. I didn't want to eat anything they gave me. They were the enemy and I was the only one in my army.

I fell asleep that night, imagining my brothers fighting to get me back. I hoped they were. I needed someone fighting for me.

I woke up, screaming and crying. It was the nightmare. It was back.

Sweat was pouring down my face, along with several tears. I sat up, shaking and scared. I wanted Darry or Soda. I needed to be comforted, but no one came.

I got up, looking for my comfort. I got into my suitcase and pulled out two objects.


	6. The Letters

I went about my housework, trying to keep my mind off Ponyboy by cleaning every inch of the house. It'd been three days now, but I still felt the pain as if it had just happened.

When I got to my bed, I took off all the sheets and carried them to the washing machine. When I came back, I saw something on the ground. It was a piece of paper.

I stooped down to pick it up. What I saw brought tears to my eyes.

_Dear Darry,_

_I know this is going to be hard on you. Well, it's going to be hard on all of us. But, please, get me back and it will never happen again. I promise you, I'll never do another stupid thing again. Just get me back. I don't want to leave you and Soda. I want to be with you, because you're the best brothers I could ever have. I love you so much. Please, don't be mad at me for drinking. I'll never do it again. I'm sorry for being so stupid. I'll miss you._

_Love,_

_Ponyboy_

_P.S. I took one of your shirts so I wouldn't forget you. I need something familiar to keep with me. I took one of Soda's too._

It was at that moment that I knew I had to get Ponyboy back as soon as possible. It would kill him to be in the boys' home, and I had to find a way to get him back, before it was too late.

I broke down and cried for poor Pony. He didn't deserve this. He's too young for it. I wished I could hold him right now, so I could tell him how much I love him.

I walked inside the house when I got home from work. I slipped off my shoes, and I heard Darry scream my name. The sadness in his voice alarmed me, so I ran into his room.

"Yeah? What is it?" I said.

"Go to your room, and look under your pillow."

"Why?"

"Just do it!" He shouted.

I was surprised by his anger, so I went to my room.

When I lifted up my pillow, there was a letter underneath it. I immediately recognized Pony's hand writing.

I sat down on the bed, for fear that my knees would give out.

_Dear Sodapop,_

_I'm sorry this happened. I should have known better than to drink. I know you told Darry and I not to fight, and we said we wouldn't, but we haven't kept that promise, have we? I'm sorry I fight with Darry. We're too different, I guess. I do love him, though, and I love you, too. I'm going to miss you so much. Please, don't forget about me, and come get me soon. I don't know how long I'd last in the boys' home. I need you and Darry._

_Love,_

_Ponyboy_

_P.S. I took one of your shirts to remember you by. I was afraid I'd forget what you look like when I'm away._

I broke into tears when I finished reading the letter from my little brother. The poor kid. This'll kill him. I got to get him back. No matter what it takes.

I went back into Darry's room and saw him sitting on his bed, with tears running down his face.

I sat down next to him and placed an arm around his shoulders. I leaned on his shoulder and said, "We got to get him back, Darry."

"I know." He said.

We sat there in silence, both thinking of ways to get our baby brother back.


	7. I Wanted to Die

I lay down on my bed, clutching my brothers' shirts in my hands. I could smell their scent. They smelled like home.

Tears formed in my eyes, and I tried to wipe them away. It was no use. I was alone. Alone in an unfamiliar place, I had no one to talk to and no one to love. It was the worst feeling in the world.

I could picture Darry and Soda, both working hard to get me back. But were they? I didn't know. I hoped they were, but even I couldn't be sure. If they were, I hoped they'd hurry. I was sick of this place. It was killing me to live here.

I fell asleep with Soda and Darry's shirts in my arms. I imagined them hugging me, taking good care of me. I wished I could feel their arms encircle me, giving me the comfort I needed.

But it never came.

The next morning, the fourth day I was there, I finally got up and ate something. I made myself some toast with butter and jelly. But then I couldn't eat it, because the jelly made me think of Sodapop and how he loved to eat jelly with his eggs. I poured myself a glass of chocolate milk, but didn't drink it because it reminded me of my brothers, and how we all love chocolate. Everywhere I went, there was a reminder of my brothers and with each one, I felt my heart break again.

So I didn't eat for the fourth day in a row. It didn't bother me that much, because I wasn't hungry. I didn't want their food anyway.

Mrs. McCool stopped in to see me. I wasn't very happy to see her, but I thought she might have some information on Soda and Darry.

"Hello, Ponyboy." She greeted me.  
"Hello, Mrs. McCool." I replied, not very enthusiastically.

"I've come here to tell you that you are supposed to eat. Or did you forget to bring your appetite along with you?"  
"No. I'm just not hungry. I don't want anything those people make, anyway."  
"Well, 'those people' work hard to make meals for you boys. You should be grateful and eat it."  
"I'm not hungry."  
"Pony! You haven't eaten in four days. Don't think I don't know what's going on here. You need to start eating, or you'll make yourself sick."

"Fine, I'll eat. Now I have some questions."

"Go for it."  
"When can I see my brothers?"  
"Well, we've been over this before. You won't be allowed to have any visits until you've been here for at least two weeks, and then, maybe not. You need to adjust to living here before you see your brothers."  
"Why? I just want to know they're okay and that they're going to get me out of here."  
"Ponyboy, listen to me. You are not 'getting out' of here. You'll be staying here for about three years, then, when you're eighteen, you'll be allowed to leave. Until then, you'll stay here."  
"WHAT!" I shouted.

"What, Pony? Can't you hear? Or did that go out with your appetite?"  
"No. I have to see my brothers! It'll kill me if I don't!"  
"I highly doubt that. If you had stayed with them, you would have."  
"NO! You don't understand. Darry didn't mean to hit me. He was just mad that I had been out drinking one night!" I stopped, realizing what I had just revealed to her.  
"Oh, really? And why hadn't Darry been with you to stop you from drinking?"

"Because. . ." I couldn't tell her he let Soda and me go wherever we wanted, as long as we were back by midnight.  
"I see. Well, like I said, you'll be here for another three years. I'll be back to see you in a few weeks."  
When she closed the door, I broke into tears. I realized I'd probably never see my brothers again, and it was my fault.

I wanted to die.


	8. The Message

On Friday, two weeks after Pony was taken from us, Sodapop and I decided that we would work as much as we were able. I was going to work from 7:30 in the morning, to 9:00 at night. Soda, was working 8:00 in the morning until 8:00 at night. It was a large load, and it was hard to get used to.

That night, I was exhausted when I got home. But work helped take my mind off the guilt of losing Pony and the thought that he was gone.

I noticed the answering machine was lit up, meaning we had a message. Soda was asleep on the couch, and I pressed the play button.

"Hey, guys, it's me, Ponyboy." At that, my heart quit beating. I quickly shook Soda awake, and the message continued.

"Um, I guess you're at work right now. I should have known that considering it's only two o'clock. But I had to call. I miss you guys so much. This place is horrible. I wish I could come home. Mrs. McCool came in to see me last week. She said, uh. . ." His voice broke, and I wished I could hold him.

"She said that, I would have to stay here, for another three years." He was sobbing now, and it broke my heart.  
"Please, guys, I don't want to stay here. Take me home. Please, take me home. I hate it here. The nightmares are back, and these damn people don't even care. I don't eat, I don't talk, I just sit and sleep the day away. Please! Take me home!"

It was quiet for a minute, and I was afraid he'd hung up.

"Well, I guess you're doing all you can to get me back. Please, don't forget me. I love you. I have to go now. We only get a few minutes to talk. Bye. Oh, say hi to Two-Bit and Steve for me." There was a beeping sound, and then the line went dead.

Soda and I stood there, in shock and sadness. Poor Pony. It was worse than I expected. It really was killing him.

When I felt tightness on my arm, I turned to see Soda, squeezing my arm and crying into my shoulder. His heart was breaking, too. But it still wasn't as bad as Pony had it. He didn't have Soda, or me, or even Two-Bit to help him. He was all alone and only fifteen. Hearing his voice, I would have believed he was only twelve, or thirteen, like when Mom and Dad died. I really screwed up this time.

When the message was over, I broke into tears. I reached out for Darry's arm, and squeezed it tight, trying to will the pain away. My poor baby brother. He was having nightmares, and those creeps wouldn't even take care of him. It was horrible. What were we going to do?  
Darry quietly pushed me to my room. I wished Pony was in there. But he wasn't.  
Though upset, I fell asleep quickly.

I woke up in the middle of the night, hearing Soda yell, "Pony!"  
I ran out of my room and into Soda's. He was sitting up in bed, crying into his pillow.

I sat next to him and asked gently, "Hey, little buddy, what's wrong?"  
He looked at me, tears rolling down his cheeks, and said, "It was Pony."  
"What?"  
"Pony. He-he was alone, in a small bedroom. He was crying and crying, and no matter what I did, I couldn't get to him. I tried screaming his name, but nothing happened. When I tried to move, I couldn't. It was awful. I watched him cry more and more, and it killed me not being able to comfort him. I miss him so much." He said, sobbing more now.

"Easy, honey. You're all right. It was just a dream." I hugged him close and he sobbed into my shirt. I'd been here too many times. Why did this have to happen to our family? Why? What had we done wrong?


	9. Alone in The World

I was devastated when I called home and they didn't pick up. Someone should have been home. Maybe they were out working. Or maybe they were. . . No! I wouldn't let myself think about that.

On Monday, I had to start school. I hated it. The teachers were mean, and everyone ignored me. Well, I ignored them, too. I guess I got what I deserved.

I did my school work, but not well. When we were told to write an essay about a bad time in our lives, I laughed humorlessly. What bad thing hadn't happened to me? My two best friends are dead, my parents are dead, and my brothers won't come see me. Which to choose?

The third week came and went fast. I was glad. I think it was the school. I did all my work, but I got Cs and Ds on everything. I didn't care. This wasn't my school. Besides, what importance did school hold when I was away from my friends and family? Getting back to them was the only thing on my mind.

When Mrs. McCool came back to see me, I asked her if Darry or Soda had said anything to her about me. She said they didn't, and what was left of my heart broke.

I was beyond crying by now. I decided to play ignorant. If they didn't care about me, I didn't care about them. It didn't work though. I still didn't cry, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hate my brothers. It's hard when the people you can't help but love hate you.

I still didn't eat much. By now, I'd eat about a meal a week. Sometimes I'd eat more, but I just didn't have an appetite. It showed on my face, where my cheeks were sunken in. It didn't bother me, though. Maybe it'd scare all the people so they'd stop bothering me.

After the second week, I stopped sleeping, too. The first two weeks seemed easy, because I was able to sleep a lot. Now, I was an insomniac. I never slept, just thought about my brothers, and how badly I wanted them. I never knew how much being away from them could hurt. When I was with Johnny in Windrixville for five days, I felt a lot of homesickness, but it was nothing compared to this. This was pure torture.

Why hadn't they come to get me, yet? It's been three weeks. They haven't visited, they hadn't called. It was as though they didn't care about me anymore.

That thought alone haunted my days and nights. I didn't know what I'd do if they stopped caring. It was bad enough I had to be away from them, but to have no one to love me would kill me. If it didn't, I would. I'd never want to live in a world where I was unloved.

I walked through the days in solitude. No one bothered with me anymore. Some people would stare, but that was about it. Mrs. McCool would make me eat every time she stopped by, but she was the only one who paid me any attention. It was as though I was a ghost, and no one could see me. I was alone in the world, and it hurt.


	10. Darry and Soda Go to The Boys' Home

It seemed as though Darry and I called the boys' home every day. Every time we'd call, though, we'd get the same answer: "Ponyboy is busy right now." Either that, or, "I'm sorry, Ponyboy is not allowed to take any calls at this time."

It was starting to get on my nerves, and I needed to see Pony. It was really upsetting Darry and me. I could tell by the way Darry acted. He tried to be normal, but I knew him too well to believe his act. He ate normal, and worked a lot still, but he was quieter and he always had this look of fear in his eyes. I knew he wasn't sleeping much, and I wasn't either. It was taking a lot out of us. But then, Pony doesn't have anyone, so he's the worst off.

Some days I'd call during my lunch break, but I still got the same after. I got suspicious of the social workers. I suspected that they were keeping us away on purpose, but I didn't know why.

I knew Darry blamed himself for what happened. I tried to reassure him that it wasn't his fault, but I don't think he believed me.

Steve had the responsibility of keeping me from breaking down n front of customers. Sometimes, one of the kids from Pony's class would drop by, and they'd ask where he was now. It would kill me to try to explain what had happened, and once the kid left, I'd usually start crying. I was getting better now. It's been four weeks since Pony's been gone, but it seems like years.

Most days I could be found crying in the bathroom of the DX. I felt bad for Steve, because he came in and calmed me down. I knew he didn't like Pony that much, but since he was my friend, he felt my pain too. I'm sure Darry even could be found wiping away a few tears while at work.

The thought that was killing me was the fact that Pony was having the nightmares again and no one was there to hold him. I could hear in his voice the pain and sorrow of being away from home. We all felt it, and I wished it would stop. The thought that I feared the most, was that it would never happen.

For Darry's sake, I tried to be optimistic. But with each day, I doubted it more and more. Would we ever see Pony again? I didn't know.

I was sitting on the couch, watching a Mickey Mouse episode, when Darry came charging inside the house.

"What''s going on?" I asked, noticing the determined look on Darry's face.

"Come on. We're going to see Ponyboy." Darry said.

"What? I thought we weren't allowed."

"Look, do you want to see him or not?"

"Of course I do! It's just. . . "

"Well, than let's go."

"Okay."

So we hopped into the car and drove through Tulsa to the boys' home. I felt my heart beat quicken when I saw it come into view.

Darry looked over at me and grinned for the first time in four weeks.

"Let's go see our little brother, Pepsi-Cola."

"Yeah!" I said, excited now.

We ran up the steps and into the lobby of the boys' home. The lady at the receptionists' desk looked at us funny.

"May I help you?" She asked pleasantly.

"Yes, we're here to see Ponyboy Curtis." Darry said.

"Oh, well, I was told that no one was allowed to go see him, unless it was Mrs. McCool."

"Well, we're his brothers. We're more important than Mrs. McCool. So tell us where he is, and we'll go see him."

"I'm sorry I can't let you do that."

"You wanna bet?" Darry said coldly. His eyes were blazing with anger.

"Sir, am I going to have to call the police on you?"

"No, I'm just going to see my little brother."

And then, much to my surprise, Darry ran down the hallway. I followed, wondering where he was going.

"Pony!" He screamed, and he continued as he ran down the halls. Soon, I joined in.

"Ponyboy!" We screamed together. We were turning a corner when someone caught us by our shoulders.

"What the-" Darry said, then noticed who had caught us. It was the police.

"What seems to be the trouble you two have been causing?" The officer holding Darry asked.

"Well, sir, we're here to see our brother."

"I see. But Mrs. McCool said no one was to go see him. Correct?"

"Yes, sir, but you see, he's our brother, and we have a right to see him."

"Not here you don't." The officer holding onto my shoulder said.

"Come on, boys." The officer said, turning us to the door.

"No! Wait! We have to see Pony!" Darry screamed, but it was too late. The officers pushed us to the doors, and we were outside in no time.

"Now, don't let us catch you causing trouble here again, or it's jail for you."

When the cops left, Darry and I stood outside the boys' home and stared at it. Tears formed in my eyes. I was so close to see him, and yet I was so far away. Less than a mile separated us, but we couldn't go see him. It was the hardest day of my life.

We turned and left, both of us were silent on the ride home, and when we got inside, I ran into my room, and cried for a long time.


	11. Collapsed

Death. All I wanted was death. But for some reason, it wouldn't come.

It's been seven weeks since I was taken from my brothers. I haven't cried in three weeks, and I haven't slept for more than ten hours in the past four weeks.

I was just praying for death to come. At least then I'd be with family and friends. I'd see Mom and Dad and Johnny and Dallas. Then I could feel love. By now, I've forgotten what being loved feels like.

One day, during the fifth week, I thought I heard Darry and Soda calling my name. But I figured it was just my imagination brining me false hope, so I ignored the sound.

I was literally dying. I was numb to what was going on around me. I didn't even know what my voice sounded like anymore because I never used it. I looked like a ghost. My face was pale an bony, like the rest of me. I didn't eat, sleep, or talk. I hardly did anything anymore.

One day, I felt worse than usual (which is saying a lot). So I didn't go to school. I didn't expect anyone to notice or care, so I didn't tell anyone.

But much to my surprise, Mrs. McCool came into my room later that day.

"Ponyboy, why weren't you in school today?"

"I didn't feel well." I mumbled, my voice hoarse from lack of use.

"Well, you should have told the nurse and she would have given you something. Then, you could have made it to school."

"I don't care about school."

"Do you care about anything anymore?"

"No."

She sighed. "Pony, it's been seven weeks now. When are you going to start living again?"

"When I'm in my own home."

"We've been through this, Pony, you're not going home for at least three years."

"Then I won't live for three years, if I make it that long."

"Pony, you are in a wonderful place right now. Why can't you see that?"

Then, I exploded. Standing up, I yelled, "Because I had a great place to live! Then you took me from it! You took me from my family, my friends, and the only home I'd ever known! It's killing me! KILLING ME! Why can't you see that?"

She backed up a step.

"I'm sorry, Pony. I know how difficult this is for you. . ."

For some reason, I couldn't hear the rest. I grabbed a hold of the bed post to keep me from swaying. The last thing I heard was Mrs. McCool yell, "Are you even listening to me!"

Then, I fell to the ground. And that was the last thing I remembered.


	12. Reunited!

I was getting used to the fact that Pony was gone. After all, it had been seven weeks now. But I still couldn't shake that message we got from him. We hadn't heard from him since then, and I hated it. I didn't know why we hadn't heard from him, and I didn't know how he was doing. So Soda and I continued to work as hard as we could to get him back.

It was an early evening on a Friday when things changed. I was on top of a roof, nailing down some shingles. When I saw who got out, I went to the ladder immediately.

When I got down, Mrs. McCool was standing behind me.

"Hello, Mr. Curtis."

"Mrs. McCool." I said with a polite nod.

"I've come here to talk to you about Ponyboy."

"So I assumed."

"You see, he's been taking this very hard." How was this a surprise to her?

"He hasn't be eating much, or talking either. And, judging by the dark circles under his eyes, he hasn't been sleeping much either. And today, when I went to talk to him about not coming to class earlier today, he collapsed."

"Collapsed? Is he okay? Where-"

"He's at the hospital. But that's not what I came to talk about. It's about you getting custody of him again."

"What?"

"You see, I don't think Pony is adjusting as he should at the boys' home, and his health is decreasing. I don't want to risk him getting hurt, so I'm going to let you have him back." She paused. "I see now that he was where he was supposed to be all along."

"Oh, my God."

"Congratulations, Mr. Curtis. You just got your little brother back. You can go see him now. He's at the hospital in town."

"Thank you!" I screamed, finally breaking our of my daze. And then, much to her surprise, I hugged Mrs. McCool.

She turned and walked away. But before she left she said, "Oh, and the boys' home will pay for the hospital expenses since it happened while he was there."

"Thanks." I said again.

When she drove off, I turned to one of the guys.

"Hey, Matt, I'm leaving for the day! I'm going to go see my little brother!"

"Good for you, man!" He called back.

I ran to the truck and hopped inside. It was time to go get Soda.

When I pulled in, Soda came running out. I guess he figured something was up, because I was supposed to be at work.

"What's happened?" He said when I opened up the door.

"I have great news! We get to have Pony back!" I hugged him and laughed at his stiffness. He was still in shock.

"What? Why?"

"Mrs. McCool told me that he wasn't doing well at the boys' home, and so we get custody of him again! Isn't that great!" I yelled, and then hugged him again. This time, he hugged me back.

"Where is he? When can we see him?" Soda asked.

"Today! He's at the hospital, though. Mrs. McCool said he collapsed."

"Collapsed? Is he all right?"

"I don't know. But go tell Steve you're leaving and let's go."

"All right!" He said, smiling for once.

When he came back, he jumped in the truck and we drove off. I'm glad the hospital is so close, or we would have gotten pulled over for speeding.

When we walked inside, we ran up to one of the nurses and asked where Pony was. She told us the room, and so we ran off.

"There!" Soda yelled and we both ran into Pony's room.

I wasn't prepared for what greeted me. Ponyboy, sleeping or unconscious, was pale and thin. His cheeks were sunken in from not eating enough, and he had dark circles under his eyes. I looked around the room, expecting to see another patient, and that one would be Pony. But he was the only one in the room, and it was my brother.

I broke into tears at the sight of him. He looked so sickly. He was skinnier than I remember him ever being, and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

I sat down in one of the chairs beside his bed. Soda took the one on his other side, and we both looked at our little brother.

"What's wrong with him, Darry?" Soda asked me, his eyes wet with tears.

"I don't know." I said quietly, trying not to disturb Pony.

A doctor walked in and said, "Are you relatives of Ponyboy?"

"Yes. I'm his brother Darry, and this is his other brother, Sodapop."

"Oh. Then I guess you should hear the diagnosis."

"Yes."

"We believe that Ponyboy is going through the stages of depression. He has all the symptoms. He hasn't been eating or sleeping and he hardly ever says a word to anyone. He woke up a little while ago and asked where his brothers were, so I assume he meant you. We gave him a few sleeping pills so he could finally get some rest. He doesn't look like he's slept much in the past few weeks."

"Is that it?"

"Well, the fact that he isn't eating much concerns me. We asked him if he was hungry when he woke up, but he said no. We couldn't force him to eat, but if he wakes up, please try to get him to eat. He might eat for you two. If he doesn't eat soon, we'll have to place a feeding tube inside him. It's rare that'd we'd have to do it for someone of his age, but if he won't eat, it'll come to that. Also, because he hasn't been eating much, his weight has dropped considerably. He's five foot and seven inches and should weigh about one hundred and fifty pounds. We weighed him, and he only weighs one hundred and twenty pounds. That's about thirty pounds less than he should. He's basically a skeleton."

I didn't want to hear this, but I was hearing it anyway. My poor little brother. What's happened to him?

"So what can we do?"

"Just get him to eat, and help him with the depression. We'll release him once he starts eating again."

"Thank you, doctor."

The doctor then left and we were left alone. Soda was crying and I had tears in my eyes.

I looked at Pony and pushed his hair back. It was softer now because he didn't have any grease in it. "Poor little thing." I said.

He turned on his side, and continued to sleep. After a few minutes, I noticed tears were rolling down his cheeks.

"Darry?" Soda asked.

"Yeah?"

"Why is he crying?"

"I don't know. He must be having a nightmare or something."

I wiped away his tears with my fingertips. When he whimpered, I squeezed his shoulder.

"Sh. It's okay, Pony. You're safe now. We're here. Darry and Sodapop are here."

He continued to cry, though. Soda looked at me and then he got in bed with Pony. He wrapped his arms around Pony and held him tight. I envied him. I wanted to do the same thing, but I didn't.

Pony stopped crying soon after, and Soda fell asleep, too. I stayed awake, though, incase he needed me.


	13. I Need to Know You're Here

I woke up, and I wasn't sure where I was. I wondered how I ever fell asleep. I hadn't slept in so long, I almost forgot what it felt like.

I looked around, because I felt someone's gaze on me. What I saw left me speechless.

"Darry?" I asked, not believing what I saw.

He smiled and he had tears in his eyes. "Yeah, it's me."

When I turned, I saw Soda looking at me with a big grin on his face.

"Soda?"

"Yeah, baby. I'm here." He said.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on my pillow. Tears ran down my face. I didn't know what to say.

"Pony? You okay?" Darry said.

I shook my head no, and began to cry harder.

I heard Darry and Soda move and soon they were on the bed with me. Darry's muscled arms wrapped me in a hug, and Soda's arms encircled me also.

"What's the matter, baby?" Soda asked.

"Nothing." I choked out. "It's just. . ."

"What?" Darry asked with concern.

"It's been so long. . ."

They understood what I meant and their hold tightened.

"I know, honey. It's okay now. You're safe. Nothing's going to happen to you now."

I cried into Darry's shirt, but I was happier than I had been in a long time.

When I finished crying, they made a move as though they were going to move, but I grabbed their arms, and pulled them back.

"What is it, Pony?" Darry asked.

"Don't go. I want to make sure you're here."

"We're not going anywhere, Ponyboy." Soda said. They sat down in the chairs next to me, but held onto my hands. I held tightly to their hands. I still couldn't believe they were here.

"How do you feel?" Darry asked.

"Better now."

"You don't look very good."

"I know." I said, not giving them anymore information than I had to.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No. I'm fine."

"Okay." Darry said.

"Are you hungry?" Soda asked me.

"Not really."

"Well, the doctors say you have to eat, or they'll put a feeding tube in you."

"Why?"

"You've lost too much weight."

"Oh." I said.

Darry looked at me for a long time. THen he said, "Are you still tired?"

"Yeah." I said and yawned.

"Okay. You can go to sleep now." They moved their hands, but I held them firmly, so they wouldn't go.

"No. I need to know you're here."

"Okay." Soda and Darry said. Soon I fell asleep, feeling the best I had in seven weeks.


	14. Pony Gets Mad

I was so happy to have Pony back. Sure, we were still in the hospital, and he was really sick, but at least I could see him, talk to him, hug him. It had been so hard on me and Darry.

Pony had fallen asleep and Darry and I sat watching him.

"He looks pretty bad, doesn't he, Darry?" I said.

"Yeah, kiddo. He does. I can't imagine what he's gone through."

"I know. It must have been awful."

"Yeah."

"How are we going to get him through this? It's going to be really hard. I mean, this isn't just a flu or something. This is serious.

"That's what worries me. He seemed kinda distant when he was talking to us. I hope he trusts us. You don't think he thinks we didn't care he was gone, do you? I mean, we never got in touch with him." Darry said with a look of fear on his face.

"No. He couldn't. I mean, we're his brothers. He knows how much we love him. Besides, it wasn't our fault we couldn't see him. No one would let us." I said.

"I hope you're right, Soda. Be cause if you're not, I don't know how we'd prove it to him."

"By loving him like always, if not more."

"Yeah. You're right. He looks so horrible, though. He looks so ghostly."

"That'll change soon, though. He's just had a hard time for so long. But he'll be okay now. Now he's with family and he's loved."

We sat there in silence, watching our little brother sleep soundly. It was probably the first time in a long time.

Darry was staring at the wall, and I was leaning back in my chair, when we heard Pony cry out.

"Darry! Soda!" He yelled.

Darry and I reacted quickly. Jumping up, we reached for Pony at the same time.

"Pony!" I said, shaking him slightly.

He thrashed out at me, mumbling, "No. I don't want to go. Help me. Someone, please."

"Ponyboy!" I said, shaking him harder this time.

He hit me across the chest. I looked to Darry who was more forceful than I was.

He grabbed Pony by the shoulders and shook him hard. "Pony, wake up. You're just having a nightmare. Wake up, baby."

Pony woke up with a jolt. He nearly ran Darry over when he shot up like that. Pony looked around with huge eyes.

"What-" He started, but stopped.

"Sh. It's okay. You just had a nightmare, that's all. It's okay now." Darry said.

Pony leaned back, exhausted. His breathing was coming in large gasps.

"Are you okay?" Darry asked, concerned.

"Yeah. I'm. . .fine." He said.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No!" Pony snapped at him. Darry looked taken aback.

"Okay." Darry said slowly.

Pony's eyes were blazing with anger, and I had no idea why.

"Pony, is something wrong?" I asked.

"NO! Nothing is wrong! Just leave me alone!" He shouted at me. Then, he turned on his side, facing away from Darry and me.

Darry and I looked at each other, confused at Pony's outburst. He's not the type who yells at people, especially me and Darry.

I watched as Pony's shoulders shook as he cried. He was clutching the sheets like his life depended on it. He was trying to keep from crying, but was failing miserably.

I wasn't sure if I should go to him or not. He probably needed to cry, but he also needed to be led. So I got on the bed with him, and hugged him close.

He didn't shake me off, so I took that as a good sign.

Darry watched us. He looked like he wanted to join in, but was too embarrassed to.

I lay there, holding my baby brother as he cried, for reasons I didn't know. Maybe I never would.


	15. Feeding Tube

It's becoming more and more apparent that I can't hate my brothers. Last night, when I had a a nightmare of the day I was taken away, I wanted to hate them for allowing it to happen. But when Soda put his arms around me, I just couldn't hate him or Darry. I'm still mad at them, though.

I hated being in a hospital. I tried to eat some soup, but I couldn't hold it down. I tried later to eat a sandwich, but it didn't settle either. I think Darry and Soda thought I was doing it on purpose.

"Come on, Pony. You have to eat something." Soda pleaded with me.

"I know. It's not my fault." I snapped.

"It's okay. I know it's not your fault, baby." He pushed my hair back.

My temper cooled when he did that. Soda always made me feel better.

I started sleeping more. It felt better than staying awake and having to eat something, only to throw it up later.

The pain started going away when I slept. So I slept more and more each day. Darry and Sodapop were always there when I woke up, and they'd try to get me to eat. I gave up on eating. I didn't want to have to throw up after I ate. So I just didn't eat.

I was quiet still. I didn't want to tell Darry and Soda what was going on inside my head. They'd get upset, and they didn't need that right now. So I kept my mouth shut.

Darry had dark circles under his eyes. I told him and Soda to go home, but they didn't listen to me. I hoped that if I slept more, they'd go home and leave me be. But that never happened.

One day, the doctor came in and started talking to Darry and Soda. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I figured it was about me.

**Darry's Point of View**

"We think his depression was brought on from anxiety before he went to the boys' home."

"Anxiety? What kind of anxiety?"

"Well, the way we figure, it was probably him worrying about being taken away. Then, when it happened, he went into depression. It's one of the worse cases I've seen."

The blood drained from my face. Poor Pony. He'd been worrying about being taken away? Why?

"We'd like to ask your permission to place a feeding tube in him now. It's been three days, and he needs to eat."

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever it takes to get him well."

"Okay. We'll put it in this afternoon."

"Thank you, doctor."

Soda looked at me when the doctor walked off.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. It's just, 'the worst he's ever seen?' That's pretty harsh."

"I know. Soda, we've got a lot to handle with Pony. We're going to have to do everything in our power to bring him out of this."

"I know. But what can we do?"

"Just love him, and not get on his bad side."

"That's hard. The littlest things bring out his bad side. He's always snapping at us for some reason."

"It's not his fault, Soda. He's been through a lot." I defended Pony.

"I know, I know. He's pretty bad off, isn't he, Darry?"

"Yeah. He's bad off. This is worst than the nightmares."

"At least then we could help him."

"Hey, we can help him now. I think he needs to go home."

"I do, too. Maybe once the feeding tube's been in for a while, he'll be strong enough to go home."

"I sure hope so."

We turned and walked back into Pony's room.

"What was that all about?" Pony asked.

"Not much. They're going to put a feeding tube in you today. I hope you don't mind."

"Whatever." Pony spat out. Here we go again.

I reached over and squeezed his hand.

"Hey, it's okay, Pony. We're right here."

"I know." He whispered.

I gave his hand one last squeeze and then sat down in my chair.

When Pony came back from getting the feeding tube placed in him, he looked so sickly that I could have cried.

The tubes were in his nostrils, and he didn't look too happy about it.

"Hey, Pony. You okay?" Soda asked.

"No." He choked out.

"What's the matter, honey?"

"It hurts."

"It's okay, Pony. It'll be out soon. You just have to start eating more."

"It's not my fault I puke everything I eat." Pony's eyes were blazing with anger.

"I know. You're just sick, that's all."

Pony closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

I looked over at Soda, who was watching Pony with concern. He worried so much about Pony. He really loved him a lot. Not that I didn't, it's just, those two are a lot closer.

Pony looked to me and asked, "Did I do something wrong? I mean, why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?"

I was surprised by the question. I never would have thought he'd think of that. Pony looked at me.

"No, baby. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't ever think that. You're not to blame. It's just, you're having a rough time that's all. You'll get through this. Soda and I are here for you, and we always will be. Don't worry about it. You'll get better soon."

"Thanks."

Little did I know, he didn't believe me.

**Sorry about the whole feeding tube thing. I've never had one, so I don't know where it goes. I figured the nose would be better than his mouth, because he can still talk. Don't nail me for it, I'm no doctor!****I hope you're liking the story.**


	16. Home Again

_It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You'll get better soon._

I wanted to believe those words, but I already knew the truth. I was to blame. It was my fault. I was being punished for killing Johnny and Dallas. I didn't mean to, but I'm paying for it anyway.

Even with the knowledge that my brothers were here for me, I still didn't speak. The feeding tube hurt like hell and it bothered me. I complained about it to the doctors, and they took out and let me try to eat something. But when I threw the food up, they put the feeding tube in again. So I had to sit in pain all day long. Well, even if the feeding tube wasn't in there, I'd be in pain. I felt pain more strongly than I'd ever felt any emotion before in my life. I wished I could just make it go away, but nothing helped.

I was beyond crying now. I was all cried out. Soda and Darry talked to me, but I didn't talk to them, unless I had to. Sometimes they'd leave while I took a nap, but only for a little while. They'd be back by the time I woke up.

One day, when Darry was out talking to the doctor, Soda said to me, "Pony, why won't you talk to me anymore? You used to tell me everything."

"I don't deserve a brother like you." I responded, and that was all I said.

Soda looked at me, confused. He didn't understand. No one did. Not even me.

When Darry came back, he had a big smile on his face.

"Guess what, Pony? You get to go home!" He said, gleefully.

"Great." I said, and I gave a slight smile. It was the closest I'd been to a smile.

The next day, I was packed and ready to go home. I didn't feel like walking, so Darry got a nurse to bring us a wheel chair. She said I was allowed to keep it until I came back for a checkup, so Darry didn't have to carry me everywhere, not that he couldn't do it.

When I entered the house, I was amazed at how much I had forgotten about it. I didn't remember the rip in the carpet underneath the couch, or that stain on the wall. I never really paid attention to it, because it was my house, and I didn't really care.

When Darry pushed me into my room, I nearly cried. He helped me up from the wheelchair to the bed, and I couldn't help but stare at that beautiful ceiling. I missed that image. I had to look at the boring white of my room at the boys' home for too long. I was home. It was official.

Soda and Darry left me in my room, and I soon fell asleep. It was the best sleep I'd gotten in a long time.

When I woke, Soda was laying next to me. He was over on his side, as far as he could. The nurse had to set up my feeding tube again, so I figured he was trying to avoid hitting it. I wanted to rip the stupid thing out of my nose, but I knew I'd get in trouble if I did.

I fell asleep again, only to awaken from the worst nightmare I'd ever had before.


	17. The Nightmare

"Ponyboy! Wake up!" I screamed. He was next to me, crying and screaming. He scared me to death when he did that. This seemed worse than usual.

I shook him hard and screamed, "Wake up!" in his face. He woke up, shaking and crying.

"Are you all right?" I asked. Luckily, his feeding tube was taken out earlier, or it wouldn't be on now.

He looked at me, then his eyes went big and he ran out of the room and into the bathroom.

**Darry's Point of View**

"3:15?" I said to myself. What woke me up this early in the morning?  
I turned over and I could see the light from the bathroom was on. I got out of bed, not knowing what to expect.

When I went to the bathroom, Pony was leaning over the toilet. He was crying and gagging, and Soda was holding on to him from around the waist. He spoke in a gentle tone.

"Easy, Pony. Easy. You're okay now. Just calm down."  
Apparently, Pony didn't listen. He started gasping for breath, the tears rolling down his face.

"Calm down, Pony. You're making it worse." His voice held a stern tone, but he was still being kind.

"Is he okay?" I asked, finally finding my voice.

"Yeah, he just had a nightmare."

I went to the hall closet and got a wash cloth out. When I returned, I poured some cool water over it and handed it to Soda.

He took it and made Pony lean back off the toilet. He wiped Pony's brow gently. "Calm down." He told Pony again, and this time he did . . . a little.

Pony leaned his head against Soda's leg and calmed down. Soda sat down, and held Pony against him.

When Pony quick shaking so much, Soda asked gently, "You want to talk about it?"  
Pony sat there, his head resting on Soda's shoulder, and then he said, "It was awful."  
He squeezed his eyes shut, as though blocking the view of the nightmare. "I was in a car, with you and Soda, and even Mom and Dad. I was real happy at first, but then I realized that we were on the train tracks. When Dad stopped the car, I screamed at him, telling him to get off the tracks, but he didn't listen. So we sat there. I was terrified. When a train came towards us, I yelled at Dad again. When he didn't do anything, I reached over and tried to open up the door. It wouldn't budge. When I tried all the other doors, they wouldn't open either. So I tried going through the window, but it wouldn't open. So all I could do was wait for the end." He paused, reliving it, and tears streamed down his face again. "I watched them die. I watched Mom die. I watched Dad die. I watched Darry die. And I watched Soda die. It was the hardest thing I'd ever experienced in my life. It was terrifying. All I could do was scream, but it didn't do any good."  
He looked down at his hands, and he cried some more. Soda and I looked at each other, not knowing what to do.

Pony looked up and said, "It was almost as bad as when I was away. Sometimes I'd forget what you look like." His voice broke, and sobs took over.

I rushed to his side. Soda was already there and we both held him. He was terrified of losing us, just as I was of losing him or Soda. We all knew the feeling, and it made life horrible for all of us.

Pony grabbed hold of my arm, and then took hold of Soda's. He was letting himself know that we were here. I put my other arm around him, and Soda did the same.

We were all together. We didn't need to worry. We'd always be together, no matter what.

**No! It's not the end! More will come! Don't cry!**


	18. The Call

For some reason, after I had that nightmare, I never had any more. I mean, I'd have the occasional one that I couldn't remember, but the nightmares slowed after that.

I felt better than I had in many days. It was good to be back to "normal."

Two-Bit came to see me the first week I was back home. He stayed with me when Darry and Soda started going back to work.

"So what was it like, Pony? Did you get to live a life of luxury?" He asked me one day. I didn't want to answer, because it was a stupid question. I laid in a hospital bed for three weeks with depression and a feeding tube up my nose, and he thinks I "lived the life of luxury."

"No. It was horrible."

"Yeah, well you didn't have Darry nagging at you, now did you?" He asked, with a laugh.

For the first time, I got mad at Two-Bit.

"Don't you ever say that again! Darry can't help he worries a lot! He has to work hard for us and he doesn't want to lose anyone he loves! It's not his fault. He doesn't mean anything by it!" I hollered at him, angered beyond anything I'd ever felt before.

Two-Bit looked shocked at my outburst. I got up from the couch and stomped off into my room. It was the last Two-Bit mentioned the boys' home or Darry nagging me.

I got to go back to school two weeks after coming home. By that time, I was off the feeding tube and eating more solids. I still didn't have a big appetite, but gradually it came back.

Darry and Soda didn't bother me about much. They just made sure I was eating and sleeping, and, well, living.

Things got better as time went on. But there was still something bothering me. Something I wouldn't, couldn't, tell Soda and Darry or it might destroy us.

**Darry's Point of View**

Slowly, we got our Pony back. I was more than thrilled when he came into the kitchen one morning, feeding tube gone, and said, "Mm. What smells so good?" He sat down and ate with us. When he first placed a piece of bacon in his mouth, I saw how his eyes closed, willing the food to stay down. The good news was, it did. It was a feeling of joy that couldn't be erased. We went to the hospital, returning their equiptment, and Pony didn't have to come back, unless needed.

He was much better now. He didn't snap at Soda and I, or anything like that. I still couldn't get over the feeling that something else was bothering him.

One day, I brought it up with Soda.

"Hey, Soda, is it just me, or do you think there's something bothering Pony?"

"No, I noticed it too. It's like he wants to say something, but doesn't know how."

"Yeah. I don't know what to do, though. Have you tried talking to him about it?"

"He doesn't talk to me much anymore. I mean, he'll tell me things that go on in the day, but that's it." Soda said sadly.

"I know. I wish he'd open up a little more. I think if he did, then we'd find out what's bothering him."

"If only." Soda sighed.

He was right. _If only_ was the only thing we could say. I didn't expect Pony to open up, but if he did, I'd be willing to listen.

One day, I went home for lunch. I hoped Soda would come too so we could talk more about helping Pony, and soon my hopes came true.

Soda walked in the door, kicked off his shoes, and sat down at the kitchen table.

"Man, I'm beat. And it isn't even that late in the day. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of my shift."

"You need to sleep more, little buddy." I replied with concern.

"I know. It's hard, though, because I'm always worrying about Po-" His words were cut off by the phone.

I was worried, because no one called us during the day unless it was bad news. So I picked up immediately.

"Hello." I said into the receiver.

* * *

Thanks for the explanations of the feeding tube, and thanks for not nailing me on it. I thought it was right, but I wasn't sure. Thanks to everyone. 


	19. NearDeath Experience

"Hello, Mr. Curtis. This is Principal Wesley. I just wanted to inform you that Ponyboy passed out in the hallway, and is still unconscious right now. One of the students found him. We don't know how long he'd been like that. I figured you'd want to take him home since he has been having. . ." she cleared her throat, "problems. This happened a little while ago. If you want to come get him, he's in the nurse's office."  
"Okay. Thanks."

With that, I hung up.

"What is it?" Soda asked.

"Pony passed out at school. Mrs. Wesley wants us to come pick him up."  
"Is he all right?"  
"I don't know. She said he was still unconscious."  
"Well, let's go." Soda said.

We got into the truck and headed for the school. I wondered why Pony passed out. He'd been so good lately. What went wrong? Maybe it's nothing.

When we got there, Ponyboy was laying on the couch in the nurse's office, still unconscious. The nurse was standing close by.

When she saw us enter, she said, "I'll leave you alone." So she left the room.

I bent over Pony and waited for him to regain consciousness. It didn't take long.

"Darry?" He asked when he saw me.

"Yeah, I'm here. Are you all right?" I said.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Pony, you passed out." Soda reminded him gently.

"What?"

"Mrs. Wesley called and told us. She said you were in the hallway. What happened, baby?" I asked.

"I don't know." Pony replied.

"Were you in pain? Are you okay? What. . ." Pony cut me off.

"No! It's nothing. I'm fine. I just passed out. It's not like I puked all over the bathroom floor or something!" When he said that, I think he realized he just told us what had really happened.

"Come on, kiddo. Let's go home." Soda said, reaching out a hand to Pony.

"No!" He shouted.

"Pony, what's the matter?" I asked as gently as I could.

"NOTHING!" He shouted in my face. He then got up and ran toward the door. Soda tried to stop him, but was unsuccessful. Pony ran right past him and out the door.

"What was that all about?" Soda asked, concerned.

"I don't know. Let's follow him. I don't want anything to happen to him."

Soda nodded, remembering the last time Pony ran away from us.

We had to chase him out of the school and past the parking lot. He was running down the sidewalk, toward home, when we started catching up.

Suddenly, Pony stopped. Soda and I looked at each other and ran harder. But we were too late to catch him in enough time. Pony collapsed on the ground and I tried to get to him before a car did. He spilled over to the road, and I saw as a car headed straight for him, driving way too fast.

I felt as though I grew wings when I ran as fast as I could. Luckily, Soda stood in shock and fear, as I ran to get him.

Reaching his side, I pulled him up by his shirt, grabbing him out of harm's way. The car swerved out of the way, and the driver stuck out one finger from his window. Soda, breaking out of his daze, gave him the same in return.

I sat on the sidewalk, holding Pony tightly against me, rocking him back and forth. The fear of what might have happened hit me like a ton of bricks. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of how I could have lost my brother in a split second.

Soda sat down beside me, and he grabbed onto one of Pony's hands. He looked as pale as I felt, and for different reasons. Pony was sick again. Something was wrong. The only problem was, I didn't know what.


	20. What Was Bothering Him?

When I came to, the first thing I saw was Darry. He had tears rolling down his face and some dripped onto me.

"What happened?" I asked because my memory was blurry, and I knew something bad had happened because Darry was crying.

"Nothing, baby. You're safe now. It's okay." Darry told me.

What was he talking about? I never thought I wasn't safe.

"Baby, you passed out again." Soda said. Then everything came flooding back.

"I'm okay." I said stubbornly.

"Pony, you're not okay. You just passed out twice, maybe more for all we know. What's going on?"

"Nothing!" I screamed.

Darry set his jaw and picked me up as he stood.

"We're going to the hospital, whether you like it or not." Darry said sternly.

"NO!" I yelled, fear and anger rising in me.

"I'm not going to argue with you. We're going and that's final."

I started to twist and turn. I kicked and punched, trying to break free of his grasp. It was no use, though. Darry was too much stronger for me, and there was nothing I could do about it. It didn't stop me from trying, though.

Darry shoved me into our truck, and Soda got in next to me

"Don't try to pull anything." Darry said gruffly before he walked to his side of the truck.

We drove to the hospital, with me shaking in between Soda and Darry. Soda reached over and squeezed my hand, trying to reassure me. It didn't help, though.

When we arrived at the hospital, Darry took my arm firmly and walked me toward the emergency room.

I shivered with fear when we went back to see the doctor. I wanted nothing to do with this place, and I didn't want them to find anything out. Worse, I was afraid they would find something.

Darry and Soda stayed with me until the doctor took me back and I had to be alone with him.

When I came out, pushed on a bed, Darry and Soda were waiting for me in my hospital room. Soda looked like he had tears in his eyes and Darry was clenching his fists.

The doctor spoke first.

"Well, from what we can tell, there's nothing physically wrong with Ponyboy. We assume that he's been worrying too much and it's eating at his insides. We found no trace of an ulcer, but should he keep this up, he may develop one."

When he was about to leave, I heard him say quietly to Darry and Soda, "I'll leave the three of you alone. If you can figure out what's bothering him, he can go home tomorrow. Just be gentle, but make sure you get it out of him."

I lay back against the pillow and closed my eyes. This was not my day. But then, I deserved it, didn't I?

Darry cleared his throat. "Pony, what's going on with you?"

I didn't respond. After several minutes of silence, Soda tried.

"Please, baby, just tell us what's bothering you. We're worried about you. Just tell us, honey."

I sat there, not speaking. Finally, I gave in. With a sigh, I began to tell them what was wrong.

"I feel guilty."

"Guilty? For what?" Darry asked softly.

"For killing Dallas and Johnny."

Soda and Darry looked stunned. They never would have thought that was what was bothering me.

"What? You didn't kill them!" Soda said, shocked.

"Not physically, but it's my fault. If I had gotten home in time, none of this would have happened."

"No, Pony. You're wrong. You had nothing to do with their deaths. These things just happen."

"I still feel bad."

"Well, you shouldn't. Listen, Pony. This was NOT your fault. You just were in a horrible situation, that you couldn't help. You didn't do anything wrong. Believe me, Pony." Darry pleaded.

"Then why do I feel so bad?" I asked, and I began to cry.

Soda and Darry rushed to my side. They took hold of me, and rocked me gently.

"Sh, Pony. This wasn't your fault. It's okay, baby. There's nothing you could have done to help them. It wasn't your fault." Darry said, holding me close.

I believed them. I had the hardest time trying to get myself to believe it, but I didn't. When Soda and Darry told me it, I now believed it. I wasn't to blame. It's not my fault. I'm not to blame.

**So that's what was bothering Pony! **

**Or was it?**


	21. Pony Speaks Up

I was more than thrilled when Pony finally opened up to what was bothering him. He got to go home the next day, and from there, things were great.

Pony was much more open. He would talk to us and tell us his problems during the school day. It was a week before he talked about the boys' home, and it was only to me.

We were laying in bed one night. I thought he was already asleep. But when he started shivering like crazy, I knew I was wrong. He kept shaking like he was freezing to death.

"Pony, are you all right?" I asked.

"Cold. It was so cold." He replied. I wrapped my arm around him, warming his shivering body.

"What was?"

"The boys' home." He replied, and then was silent.

"Go on." I prodded.

"The ceiling was white. I stared at it for hours at a time. There was nothing else to do, and I had nothing to live for. The school was horrible. I did the work, but not well. People stared at me, but when they got used to me, they looked right through me. No one cared. Everyone was cold." He shivered again. "I had no friends. No one wanted to talk to me. Teachers seemed heartless.

At nights, I'd lay awake. If not, I'd be crying myself to sleep. I cried until I thought there wasn't anything left to cry for; but I was always wrong. Crying got old, so I'd just stare at the wall. Sleep stopped soon after I arrived. I slept the first week, but then I couldn't seem to catch it again. I never ate, because something would remind me of home, and I'd get sick. No one knew I didn't eat. No one knew anything about me. No one knew."

"Oh, Pony." I hugged him close. Tears were in my eyes as he told me the horrors of the boys' home. I knew it was nothing I could imagine, but that was worse than what I expected.

"All I wanted was to see my brothers again, and they were telling me I wouldn't for three years." He shivered at the thought. "I couldn't imagine living with that pain."

"It's okay, Pony. You're safe now." I told him reassuringly.

"I know."

"You know, Pony, Darry and I missed you a lot when you were gone. I've never seen Darry cry so much."

When I said this he stiffened. Maybe I just imagined it.

"I know." He said, but he didn't sound like he meant it.

Soon we both fell asleep.

The next morning, when I woke up, Pony was still asleep. I got up, though.

Darry was in the kitchen making breakfast.

"Hey, Darry." I said as I walked in.

"Hey, little buddy. How are you this morning?"

"I could be better." At this he, turned.

"What's the matter? You feel okay?"

"Yeah, but Pony told me about the boys' home last night."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Darry, it was awful."

I began to tell him everything that Pony told me about the boys' home. Darry shed a few tears, and when I finished, his face was drained of color.

"That's horrible." He said. We sat in silence. Neither one of us ate our breakfast. When Pony came in, Darry stood up.

"'Morning." Pony said.

Darry walked up to him and hugged him. I think it took Pony off-guard, but he returned it.

When Darry released him, Pony said, "What was that all about?"

Darry chuckled and then said, "Soda told me about the boys' home."

"Oh." Pony replied.

"It's okay, Pony. You're fine now." He said, giving Pony another hug.

We sat down and ate breakfast. Then, Darry and I went to work, and Pony went to school.


	22. Steve the Jerk

With everything off of my chest, I slept good at night. Well, except for one thing that still haunted my thoughts.

I was different. I didn't know how it happened, or what I did, but I'm a different person now. It's kind of like when Johnny got beat up by the Socs. After that, he was afraid of his own shadow. I'm not afraid of much, except getting taken away again, and I think that's what makes me different.

I knew Soda and Darry noticed the change in me, but they must have accepted it because they didn't bug me about it. I tried really hard to not fight with Darry, and get my homework done on time. I was never late coming home, and I watched less and less movies and read less books.

One time, Two-Bit came over to our house, and had to knock on the door because his hands were full. When I heard the knock, I flinched, expecting a social worker on the other side. But it was only Two-Bit.

When I had jumped, Soda and Darry looked at me strangely. Darry placed a hand on my shoulder before he went to open the door. I didn't know if he understood why I jumped, or if he was just comforting me.

Steve came over every now and then, and every time he did, he tried to get info on the boys' home out of me. He knew it bothered me, and he kept it up. Until one day, he went too far.

Soda and I were sitting on the couch in our living room, with Darry in the arm chair and Steve sitting in one of the chairs from our table. Two-Bit hadn't come by because he was off getting drunk somewhere.

Steve started talking to me, innocently enough. He just asked how I'd been doing and if school was okay.

We talked for a while, and then Soda and Darry got up to fix supper and set the table. When they would come back, I'd be a mess.

Steve and I sat in silence for a few minutes. Then, Steve broke it by saying, "I bet you liked being away from your brothers, huh?"

I looked at him blankly. Why would I like that?

"I mean, I know how much they bother you. They're always complaining to you about something. I bet you were glad you left. I bet you didn't even miss them, did you? Well, you know what? They didn't miss you, either. . ." He was about to continue, but I yelled, "Shut up!"

Then, I ran to my room. I grabbed one of my pillows and covered my face with it, crying into it.

Why would he say such awful things to me? What kind of a creep did he think I was?

I heard Darry and Soda ask Steve what happened. He said nothing, and then they both came into my room.

"Ponyboy, what happened?" Darry asked, clearly confused and concerned.

"Steve said. . ." I couldn't continue, because I was crying too hard.

"What did he say?" Soda asked me.

"He said that I was glad I got to go to the boys' home. I didn't miss you when I was away, and that you two didn't miss me either. I did, Darry. I swear. I missed you both. I never wanted to go away. Please, believe me."

Soda stroked my back gently as I cried into the pillow. I saw a fire in Darry's eyes, and he got up from my bed and stomped out of the room.

I heard Steve say, "What in the-" and then I heard a loud crash against the wall. The whole house shook.

Darry's voice echoed through the house as he yelled, "Don't you ever say that to my brother again, you hear me? You know how much Soda and I missed him, so just shut up! Get out of my house before I do it for you!"

A few seconds later, I heard the front door slam. Soda flinched when Darry screamed, but I had a feeling he wanted to do the same thing.

Darry came back to my room and sat down next to me as I whimpered under my pillow. He gently took the pillow out of my hand and looked into my tear-filled eyes.

"Pony, I hope you know better than to believe Steve. We missed you so much. I know you missed us, and that you didn't want to go away. Steve was just being a jerk, that's all. He paid for it, too."

"I-I kn-know." I stuttered.

"It's okay, baby. He didn't mean anything. It wasn't true."

"Thanks." I said, and wiped my eyes. Darry and Soda gave me a hug.

I got up and said, "I think I'll go for a little walk."

"Okay, but supper's almost done."

"Okay."

I acted pretty normal, right? Then why did I throw a lamp against the wall in that next few seconds?


	23. Pony's Outburst

Pony was walking out of his room, me and Soda were sitting on his bed, when, suddenly, he picked up the lamp on his dresser and hurled it at the wall.

"Pony!" I said, confused at the outburst.

"Damn it you guys! You never came to see me! I was alone in that Hell-hole, and you left me there to rot! You never cared about me, did you! I had to suffer through it all alone! You didn't come get me. You didn't come see me or write, or even pick up the god-damn phone when I called! You didn't care! All this time I thought you were my brothers. I thought you loved me. Well, it's obvious that you don't!"  
I was shocked. Did he really believe it? It seemed that he did.

"Pony, it wasn't like that. . ." I started.

"Oh, what do you know! You're just doing this out of pity. Admit it! You wanted to go to college, not baby sit and take care of your two younger brothers! You just pitied us, didn't you? You don't even know who I am!

You have no idea what it was like! I thought the only people I loved in this world hated me! You couldn't have loved me, because, if you did, you would have stopped Mrs. McCool from taking me away. I cried every night and I cry still! You don't know what this has done to me. I was always afraid something like this would happen, and when it did, I wanted to die! Yeah, that's right. I wanted to die! I thought of ways to kill myself, just to ease the pain. That's how much I suffered. And you know what? I didn't have a soul to turn to. I was all alone, and some how, I made it out alive. How? Even I don't know.

It wasn't you who got me out! It was me! It took me collapsing on the floor to bring me home! Did you try? NO! I'm sick and tired of you pretending that you love me. If you did, you would have gotten me out of that mess. I was all alone. ALONE! No one cared about me, and I guess no one does now."  
All three of us were crying by then. Pony was crying for what he thought he didn't have, and Soda and I were crying because we knew he had it, but the fact that he didn't know that, made us weep.

Soda took a step toward Pony. He backed away and said, "Don't touch me! Leave me alone!"  
Before he turned and ran outside, he said, "Steve was right all along."

* * *

**Hey, guys. I decided I'd stretch the ending into three chapters instead of just two. Sorry, but they'll be a little short, but the ending is going to be great. Trust me. So two more chapters to go! I'll try to post them when I get time. Thanks again for the great reviews. Stay gold, y'all!**


	24. Darry and Soda

I watched Darry collapse onto mine and Pony's bed. He looked as sad and scared as I was.

"He . . . thinks we . . . hate him?" He asked.

"I guess so." I said slowly. I didn't want to believe it, but it appeared that it was true.

"Why would he say all those things? We're his brothers. He's got to know we love him. He has to!" Darry said.

"I know, I know. But, Darry, I think we didn't do a very good job of showing it when he was away."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Pony's right. We didn't send him letters. We didn't call. Well, we did, but we never actually came in contact with him. We had no way of getting through to him. I can imagine that he thought we deserted him because he hadn't heard from us in so long a time."

"That's true." I saw the sadness in Darry's eyes, and I knew what he was thinking.

"Darry, Pony was wrong to have said that about you. I know you didn't do what you did out of pity. You did it because you love us and because you didn't want to see us get split up. Pony was just upset. I know he doesn't believe it." Or at least I hoped he didn't.

"You're right. It still hurt, though."

"I know. But Pony's hurting the worst right now. We need to take care of him, and make sure he knows how much we love him."

"You're right. I still can't believe he thinks we hate him."

"It's because we seemed to 'ignore' him when he was gone. We didn't mean to, but we did. We should have been more demanding of them. We should have made it our top priority to see Pony, instead of fighting it by working all day long. Pony needed out of there, and shouldn't have gone in the first place."

"You're right." Darry said after a brief silence. "I don't know how we could have been so blind."

I looked at Darry, and I realized something. "Hey, didn't you listen to me? We know you didn't take us in out of pity. I know it and Pony knows it. We're your brothers, and we know how much you love us. Please, believe me."

"Sure, little buddy. I believe you."

I patted his arm and then said, "We'd better go after him."

"Let's go." Darry said, and we ran outside.


	25. The Ending!

I ran through the night. My tears blinded my vision, but I continued to run. I couldn't stop running. I had no destination in mind, but I knew I needed to get away, away from it all.

My breathing was choked, and my face was wet with tears. I would have run for hours if it hadn't been for a tree limb in my path.

I was running hard. I took a look behind me, but at that moment, the tears were too much for me to see. I blinked them away, and when I turned around again, I was tripping over a tree branch.

My toes got tucked under the branch, and I fell forward with a loud thud. I put my hands out to catch myself and I felt my hands scrape on the hard concrete. Pain shot through my leg, throbbing at my ankle. I was in deep pain. I got my foot out from under the branch and I lay face down on the ground.

I was so full of grief, that I didn't know how long I laid there. I could have lain there for hours without even realizing it. Life didn't matter. Death would be welcomed, and my heart was shattered to pieces.

I don't know how long I had been there before I felt a strong arm go underneath me and pick me up. It was Darry.

I was so busy crying that I didn't even here them approach me. I don't know if they said anything to me because all I could here was my own anger and sadness ringing in my ears.

Darry placed me on his lap and he hugged me tight. I just sat there, being stubborn and unyielding. I didn't cry. I wouldn't cry in front of them. I started out not moving. When he didn't release me, I started squirming. I wiggled and shoved, trying to escape his grasp, but his hold only tightened.

Neither Soda nor Darry spoke. When the shoving didn't work, I got mad. I lashed out at Darry. I punched him a few times and I elbowed him more. He still didn't let go. With each blow his hold grew tighter. When I had had enough, I punched him over and over again on the chest, trying to will him to let go.

He didn't. I punched and punched, draining myself of what little energy I had. When I finally got too exhausted to fight it anymore, I broke down into tears once more, and I put my arms around Darry's waist, and grabbed fistfuls of his shirt.

I cried like a baby. It was the most I had cried in years. Darry rocked me back and forth and Soda rubbed my back. I sobbed into Darry's shirt front until there wasn't a dry spot on there. Darry patted my back, and I could faintly here him whisper, "It's okay, Pony. It's okay."

Dampness fell on my hair, and I knew Darry was crying. If he was, then I figured Soda was too.

Gasping from trying to stop crying, I hugged my brother close. He didn't let me go, and I didn't let him go. I wished that Soda would hug me, too, but I didn't know how to let him know through all the tears.

Soda must have known what I wanted, or he wanted it, too. He hugged me from the back, and I was in the middle of my two brothers.

When the tears stopped long enough for someone to speak, Darry pushed me away from him gently. I leaned against Sodapop's shoulder.

Darry looked at me with a love-filled gaze. "Pony, you need to listen to us."  
I knew it was true. I had judged them too harshly. I should never have said such horrible things to Darry, or Soda for that matter.

I nodded slowly, and Darry continued.

"Pony, we love you. I want you to get that straight. We love you more than anything in this whole world. You're our brother, and we will always be here to take care of you."

"We are here for you, and we won't let you down again."

Soda cleared his throat and Darry looked embarrassed.

"Pony, we owe you an apology." Soda said.

"What for?" I asked, though I knew perfectly well what for.

"For not being there for you when you needed us the most." Darry said.

"You went through some horrible things, Pony. I know we'll never truly understand how much you had to go through, but it's okay now. Now you're safe." Soda said, squeezing my shoulder.

"Pony, you were wrong about a few things, though." Darry said.

"Like what?"

"Well, we did try to contact you. We didn't forget about you. We love you. There's no way we could ever do that. We came to see you about a week before you got out. We tried to get in, but the security guards told us we weren't allowed. We ran through the halls screaming your name, but we were kicked out."

"Wait, when was this?" I asked, a memory coming back to me.

"About the third week you were gone."

The memory came flooding back to me. I hadn't been hallucinating! They were there!

"What! I heard you! I didn't think it was really you, though. I thought I was dreaming." I said.

"See? We did come. We called nearly everyday, but no one would let us speak to you." Soda said.

"Then why didn't you pick up when I called?"

"Because we were at work. Soda and I started working more than ever, trying to get enough money to get you back." Darry replied.

"So. . ." Isaid slowly. "You do still love me?" I was afraid to hear the answer. I hope it was the one I wanted to hear.

"Yes. Pony, we love you. You're the best kid brother I could ask for. Well, and Soda." Darry grinned and Soda.

"Sure, forget about me." Soda said, pretending to be offended.

"We love you Pony. We may not be too good at showing it, but we'll work on it, okay?" Darry said to me.

"Okay." We hugged again and then Darry and Soda got up and started to leave. When they noticed I was still sitting there, they turned to me.

Soda must have thought I was still mad because he said, "Aw, come on, Pony. We told you we love you. Don't you believe us?"

"Yes." I said.

"Then, come on!"

"I can't." Darry looked worried.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because I twisted my ankle. It hurts really bad." I tried not to be a baby, but it did hurt.

"Oh, okay." Soda said, relieved.

Darry fixed the problem by bending over and scooping me into his arms like I was a loaf of bread.

As Darry carried me home, my grip around his waist strengthened and I whispered, "Never let me go."

I didn't expect Darry to have heard me, but he tightened his hold and said softly, "Never."

THE END!

* * *

Oh, I'm on the verge of tears. FYI, Soda died after the book, two weeks before his 19thbirthday. Check out my story, "When Will The Pain End(As I Was Saying)" for that!

Here's the quote from SEH: "I always say I'll never write a sequel, so I have no grand scenario planned out. Soda was killed two weeks before his nineteenth birthday in Vietnam. His friend Steve came back from Vietnam a heroin addict and he's been married twice and divorced twice. But now he's a drug counselor. Darry owns a successful construction business. Ponyboy is an expatriate writer. He writes mysteries under the name P.M. Curtis." -S.E. Hinton.

That was so much fun to write! I hope you guys liked it. It's all over now. I'll have to find a new story to write about. I think I'll read over it, and I might add a few bits and pieces here and there, but that's it! That was so much fun, I'm going to miss writing for it. But I can't, because I have nothing else to say for it. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks to all my reviewers and readers. Everyone of your reviews brightened my day. I hope you had as much fun with this as I did. Have a great day, and remember to stay gold!

Love, Meghan


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